I M. A ENGLISH
Paper: Romantic Age
MY QUEST
“Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone is a writer, some
are written in the books and some are confined in our hearts”
- Savi Sharma
Penning down our
memories recreate the happy moments that we experienced. I decided to write my
story because someone out there might be strengthened through my testimonies.
When it comes to a family, parents will show their unconditional love towards their tiny-tots. Especially for little girls, their ‘Father’ become their ultimate Hero. My father, is a PG assistant, every day he has to manage two groups of commerce students. He earns a lot, he provides me and my sister with what we want. He makes sure that we had everything that we needed, but he is 124 km away from us. His absence made me feel down.
Every day I will see my friends coming to school with their father, waving hands and gracefully smiling at their little ones. I will turn to the auto man to came to drop me at school and wave hands, all I can do is just that. I have so much respect towards my father and loved him more, I couldn’t express my affection towards him because he isn’t physically present.
Since he would turn back home only during the weekends, he would hardly spend time with us. We can’t expect him to be with us all the time. The vacuum in my heart spread faster, I can feel it. I feel heavy whenever I think about it, nobody could comfort me, not even my mom. My teddy bears, candies and toys never pleased me anymore.
I started grieving for ‘Father’s Love’. Being brought up in a Christian family I am asked to go to church every day. I go to church because I have to, other than that I don’t find any other reasons to take me there. It took me few years to understand the ‘True Love’.
When it comes to a family, parents will show their unconditional love towards their tiny-tots. Especially for little girls, their ‘Father’ become their ultimate Hero. My father, is a PG assistant, every day he has to manage two groups of commerce students. He earns a lot, he provides me and my sister with what we want. He makes sure that we had everything that we needed, but he is 124 km away from us. His absence made me feel down.
Every day I will see my friends coming to school with their father, waving hands and gracefully smiling at their little ones. I will turn to the auto man to came to drop me at school and wave hands, all I can do is just that. I have so much respect towards my father and loved him more, I couldn’t express my affection towards him because he isn’t physically present.
Since he would turn back home only during the weekends, he would hardly spend time with us. We can’t expect him to be with us all the time. The vacuum in my heart spread faster, I can feel it. I feel heavy whenever I think about it, nobody could comfort me, not even my mom. My teddy bears, candies and toys never pleased me anymore.
I started grieving for ‘Father’s Love’. Being brought up in a Christian family I am asked to go to church every day. I go to church because I have to, other than that I don’t find any other reasons to take me there. It took me few years to understand the ‘True Love’.
One fine day my church
pastor asked me to attend a camp that’s coming up in few weeks. I didn’t really feel
like signing in, but I was asked to do that day itself. I tried so many ways to
escape, I failed. The camp was just five days but still I was worried about
missing my good home times. First day was an introduction day; it was fun
gathering people who had similar taste of things as mine.
People from different
places came to attend this great event, seeing their love to lead a good ‘Christian’
life, I was bewildered. First day was absolutely fine and normal. Second day,
our pastor started with a topic that was very new to me. I have never been used
to this word ‘’ Holy Spirit”.
Each and every word
that came from my pastor’s mouth was piercing my heart like arrows. In the end
of the day I was like ‘’ I want to meet that person - Holy Spirit’’. Pastor
called us in front to experience the true touch of God. Before doing this, I
gave a thought…is this all I want in my life?, my mind said ‘’ it’s too
religious’’ and my heart whispered “ try it once”. This time I followed my heart.
I went forward to get answers for my questions. I went forward, I closed my
eyes and started meditating upon what pastor said to the congregation.
As I was meditating I heard people crying, a girl who was standing next to me started shuddering and trembling, I thought that something is wrong with her, later I realised that what she is feeling is unusual, because that cannot be acted out, she reacted as if hundred waltz current was passed into her. Few were rolling on the floor, few were out of their world, many were talking in some divine language which people call ‘ Speaking in tongues”.
As I was meditating I heard people crying, a girl who was standing next to me started shuddering and trembling, I thought that something is wrong with her, later I realised that what she is feeling is unusual, because that cannot be acted out, she reacted as if hundred waltz current was passed into her. Few were rolling on the floor, few were out of their world, many were talking in some divine language which people call ‘ Speaking in tongues”.
All that I witnessed
was true which I cannot comprehend because those cannot be acted out. This can be done
only when one experience God’s touch. At that moment, I felt strong in my heart
that God is alive and I wanted to experience’ His’ touch, I really wanted to
encounter Him. I closed my eyes tight this time, lifted my hands and in a
lowest voice I said, "God, I don’t know who are, I have never felt your presence
before, people around me are feeling your love and has already began feeling
numb. If all that I see is true and if you are really alive as bible says, then
come and fill me with your mighty presence and make me a testimony. Let me feel
you God.”
After thirty minutes I opened my eyes and I found myself lying on the ground straight, my body did feel the ‘Touch of God’, which was so powerful that could not be confined in words. What really happened to me? What was that? I felt as if my burdens were all taken off from me, I felt perfect peace, how can that be? I started weeping, I cannot stop, I said again” Jesus, I believe in you. I want you to be in my life. Fill me again with your presence”.
I started breaking down, I lost the control over my body. I felt God this time so strong. I cannot stop crying when I realised that He gave his own life to rescue me, I am a sinful being but still God loved me, anointed me and rescued me from the pain, hurt, depression, failure, loneliness and all sickness that was tormenting me all these years. I am no longer a slave to fear because now I am cleansed to be known as Child of God. This truth set me free that day.
After thirty minutes I opened my eyes and I found myself lying on the ground straight, my body did feel the ‘Touch of God’, which was so powerful that could not be confined in words. What really happened to me? What was that? I felt as if my burdens were all taken off from me, I felt perfect peace, how can that be? I started weeping, I cannot stop, I said again” Jesus, I believe in you. I want you to be in my life. Fill me again with your presence”.
I started breaking down, I lost the control over my body. I felt God this time so strong. I cannot stop crying when I realised that He gave his own life to rescue me, I am a sinful being but still God loved me, anointed me and rescued me from the pain, hurt, depression, failure, loneliness and all sickness that was tormenting me all these years. I am no longer a slave to fear because now I am cleansed to be known as Child of God. This truth set me free that day.
All these years I had
an unfilled space in my heart which remained empty for years, that emptiness
was forced in my life by my father which turned to be a great burden in my
life. But the day I accepted Christ to be my personal saviour I felt light, I
felt free and I felt peaceful.
The joy that I experienced was so pure and soothing. No more emptiness in my life because I knew, that I have my ‘Heavenly father’ by my side to take care of me and to uphold me forevermore. The next few days were amazing because I know that I am secured in HIM. 20.05.2014 became my unforgettable day.
The joy that I experienced was so pure and soothing. No more emptiness in my life because I knew, that I have my ‘Heavenly father’ by my side to take care of me and to uphold me forevermore. The next few days were amazing because I know that I am secured in HIM. 20.05.2014 became my unforgettable day.
It hurts when I really
see people posting their ideas about feeling the touch of Holy Spirit negatively
in face book and Instagram. They didn’t taste the true touch of God, if they did
then they can never ever talk those things. Bible clearly says in Acts 2:17
that “I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh”. One incident changed my life,
one moment turned me upside down.
From then on I never felt alone. I know that His loving arms is holding me every time, I run to him for everything. I started feeling him every day and I completely stopped grieving for my father’s presence because now I was comforted by my ‘Heavenly Father’. This doesn’t mean that I completely stopped loving my father. I always loved him and I will continue to him more in future. I must thank him for creating such a situation for me to fall in love completely with JESUS.
A few days after that I was baptized. I don’t like to call myself a Christian but I like to call myself a believer in Christ. When I was in my tenth standard my dad was successfully transferred to Trichy. Thought it takes forty-five minutes for him to reach his work place every day, he accepted it just to be with us at home. It was four of us again. It’s completely the grace of God that brought us together again.
From then on I never felt alone. I know that His loving arms is holding me every time, I run to him for everything. I started feeling him every day and I completely stopped grieving for my father’s presence because now I was comforted by my ‘Heavenly Father’. This doesn’t mean that I completely stopped loving my father. I always loved him and I will continue to him more in future. I must thank him for creating such a situation for me to fall in love completely with JESUS.
A few days after that I was baptized. I don’t like to call myself a Christian but I like to call myself a believer in Christ. When I was in my tenth standard my dad was successfully transferred to Trichy. Thought it takes forty-five minutes for him to reach his work place every day, he accepted it just to be with us at home. It was four of us again. It’s completely the grace of God that brought us together again.
Two years later,
during my final examination there was a misunderstanding between my dad and
mom. That really reflected in my study time and I could not concentrate in my
studies. One day, my father left home without a word. Even when our clock
struck twelve he didn’t return. My mom collapsed and my sister lost her sleep.
That night was horrible, my mom didn’t sleep the whole night, she placed her chair near the opened window and gazed out till the next morning with a hope that he will return. When I woke up next morning, my heart was so burdened, seeing my mother near the window losing her sleep and hope , I started feeling the pain in my heart. I didn’t feel like crying before my mom because she is already worse. I didn’t feel troubling my sister as well. I went straight into my room I locked the door. I knelt down placed my palm and head on the bed and started weeping. I said “God comfort me, I need you right now. Lord come and take me in your arms. Now all I have is you lord, just you. Bring back my dad lord, wherever he is, tell him and make him aware that we are waiting for him here.’’
The whole day was so dull, we didn’t feel like eating or going anywhere. Few hours later, my mom received a call from one of my relative and told her that my dad is safe in his place. After hearing that our soul and body was revived and I started thanking God for helping me out. Over phone I spoke to dad, it was just me talking, he never responded. I never waited for him to answer but kept on nudging him to return. His cracking voice revealed me that he is also in tears. He promised me that he will return. Only then I understood the heart of the father.
That night was horrible, my mom didn’t sleep the whole night, she placed her chair near the opened window and gazed out till the next morning with a hope that he will return. When I woke up next morning, my heart was so burdened, seeing my mother near the window losing her sleep and hope , I started feeling the pain in my heart. I didn’t feel like crying before my mom because she is already worse. I didn’t feel troubling my sister as well. I went straight into my room I locked the door. I knelt down placed my palm and head on the bed and started weeping. I said “God comfort me, I need you right now. Lord come and take me in your arms. Now all I have is you lord, just you. Bring back my dad lord, wherever he is, tell him and make him aware that we are waiting for him here.’’
The whole day was so dull, we didn’t feel like eating or going anywhere. Few hours later, my mom received a call from one of my relative and told her that my dad is safe in his place. After hearing that our soul and body was revived and I started thanking God for helping me out. Over phone I spoke to dad, it was just me talking, he never responded. I never waited for him to answer but kept on nudging him to return. His cracking voice revealed me that he is also in tears. He promised me that he will return. Only then I understood the heart of the father.
We always want our dad
to be a hero, no matter what they face or what they are facing right now. We
don’t care taking time to think about dad’s situation. We want him to be
perfect, we want him to be a gentleman, always. We fail to realise that dads
cannot be cool every time, even they got a heart that weeps. One thing that
really bothered us was that, he left with empty pockets and did not take his
mobile as well. Now, at least we know where he lives. Next morning, he came and
we all sat together to sort out things. Family is all about sharing, loving and
forgiving right?
Every morning, I make
sure that I speak to God before I face the day. Our life and relationships may
fail us but God will never leave the ones who trust Him alone. Whenever people ask
me about the best moment that happened in my life, I will tell them about the
day when I was completely drenched in love of God. Some see God as an idol,
some see God as a supernatural being whereas some see God as a deity. One
should see him as someone very close, once when you see him as a friend he will
become your comfort. A best companion to share our feelings and heart breaks.
Psalm 56:8 says, “you have collected all my tears in your bottle”, He knew our very thoughts and actions. Then why sufferings? Only when one is forced into a track to run, he will know how to run. Only then he will know the true feeling winning the game and losing the game. Without even stepping into a track one cannot experience true joy in winning the race. Experience is the best teacher, that’s why God allows certain pain in our lives, not to break us but to rebuild us.
Psalm 56:8 says, “you have collected all my tears in your bottle”, He knew our very thoughts and actions. Then why sufferings? Only when one is forced into a track to run, he will know how to run. Only then he will know the true feeling winning the game and losing the game. Without even stepping into a track one cannot experience true joy in winning the race. Experience is the best teacher, that’s why God allows certain pain in our lives, not to break us but to rebuild us.
Just like a pot in
potter’s hands, we are broken and made new. This process might be painful but
when we think about the final stage of a fully furnished pot its blissful. The
potter knows in what way the pot needs to be made and remade. He remakes
because, we more often get distracted and leave out His purpose in life; just
to bring us back on the track he remoulds us.
To whom do we first carry all our problems first? That matters more in leading a faithful life. One of my close relatives was diagnosed with cancer in his last stage. he had to struggle so much every day, going through two to three chemo therapies is not easy for a fifty plus man to bear. There was no hope for this man to survive. One fine day, we found him dead on his bed. It was a heart-breaking news for our entire family. the family is still faithful towards God. Whom to be blamed here, God? Not at all. One should not fail to realise that we are serving a faithful God.
To whom do we first carry all our problems first? That matters more in leading a faithful life. One of my close relatives was diagnosed with cancer in his last stage. he had to struggle so much every day, going through two to three chemo therapies is not easy for a fifty plus man to bear. There was no hope for this man to survive. One fine day, we found him dead on his bed. It was a heart-breaking news for our entire family. the family is still faithful towards God. Whom to be blamed here, God? Not at all. One should not fail to realise that we are serving a faithful God.
Four years back my
best friend’s father was diagnosed with blood cancer. This type of cancer is
very crucial because his blood has to be renewed every day.. On the other hand
he witnessed, his own wife’s death. The cause of her death is blood cancer. He
lost everything when he started experiencing pain in her absence. he didn’t
stop with that. He stood up again, led a faith life. He thought about his two
children, he decided not to give up for his children sake. Two weeks, he was diagnoised
with cancer.
Doctors clearly said his life span is just six months. It's been four years and still he is breathing. He became a living testimony Isn’t that amazing. He works in His way and His timing. One thing is that He will never put us down. He is faithful enough to lead one till the very end. I see him every Sunday, looking at him, my problems don’t seem to me as problems at all.
Doctors clearly said his life span is just six months. It's been four years and still he is breathing. He became a living testimony Isn’t that amazing. He works in His way and His timing. One thing is that He will never put us down. He is faithful enough to lead one till the very end. I see him every Sunday, looking at him, my problems don’t seem to me as problems at all.
Indeed, he gave me
hope. Where do we get hope from? Bible clearly says that the hope comes from the
Lord.
I started yearning for
God’s love everyday not for material blessings but because I wanted to feel his
presence all the time. I composed eight songs, just to praise Him with what I
got. I started experiencing the next phase of life. Earlier I used to go to
church just for the sake of going there.
Now, it’s entirely
different, I go there to seek His presence every day. I decided to prioritize
Him first.
I remember my pastor
addressing the congregation once “Give God the best place in your heart and He
will never forsake you”. When I started tasting His love, i can’t stop myself
from yearning for that love again. This love taught me to love those who pushed
me down, this love taught me to forgive those who betrayed me and this love
taught men to forget my wounds and pain. What a privilege to call him as my
‘Heavenly Father’.
My best friend was
once addicted to drugs and alcohol. When I saw him at first, I empathised with
him. I started sharing my own salvation story to him despite the fact that he
is from other faith. I did it because of the urge that I had in my heart to
counsel him. Slowly he came out of darkness and started feeling the love of
Christ. It wasn’t easy for him to follow the new way that he opted because his
past was always tormenting him. Neither his friends nor his roommates understood
him. He had to give away his desire to take his second birth. He took that
risk. Only His love can turn fix things right and can turn what is impossible
to possible. Now, he is a changed man. I am happy that I have done something
good.
Nothing really matters
to us when we are on our Father’s shoulder. All one must do is to realise that
he is near us. He is watching us to make way for Him to take control over our
problems.
Many times we magnify
our problems before the creator and fail to acknowledge His presence. After tasting
his love, others love didn’t really matter to me. To me He became everything.
He is a good, good father. No one could comprehend or understand his love.
Reading Benny Hinn’s books I understood the power of GOD’S love. His books
became my inspiration. ‘’GOOD MORNING HOLY SPIRIT” and “HE TOUCHED ME”. I have
come this far because I felt his love and grace. Only his love is eternal and
everlasting.my story does not end here, it continues till I breathe my last.
“Every single day,
another page is added and as one book finishes, another one starts”.
- Savi Sharma
