OPTIMISM – A WAY OF LIFE

P. Kokila

I MA English
Paper: Romantic Age

OPTIMISM – A WAY OF LIFE

As part of the human race, my life too followed the rules and regulations of mortal life filled with joy and grief. Moreover I am a ‘woman’ above all. Wherever I turn, I find rules, restrictions, services that prevents me from enjoying my life or the so called ‘my freedom’. In spite of all these restrictions, I learnt the art of enjoying my life with things that were bestowed upon me.

My parents started to over protect me at times that made my situations even worse, by not letting me to even go and meet my childhood friends. It always took me ample amount of time to convince my parents and make them accept my requests.

Everything seems gloomy at times. I usually get lost in this mystic maze of life that leads me into confusions and narrowed paths. But I am that kind of person who thinks that everything happens for a reason. And I am a staunch believer of GOD. With that belief I started to move in my life which also taught me to remain patient and made me understand the truth that nothing in this world will be earned without any struggle. We must first learn to yearn for things and work hard to get them that will help us to get what we desire. And if we get something very easily we must also understand the truth that it won’t stay longer with us.

From my childhood I grew up with my grandparents as both my parents were working. The strong belief in GOD had been injected within me through my grandparents. I heard this line said by many: “children who grow up with their grandparents are the blessed ones”.

Because grandparents usually don’t scold their grandchildren, but instead teach them their culture, tradition, beliefs, aesthetics of their religion through beautiful short stories and incidents that they have heard or encountered. The stories penetrate deep within these kids from their every nerve and sinew to the depth of their heart.

That’s the secret why children love to be with their grandparents more than their parents. And that was how even I got driven towards my grandparents. I should also admit the fact that I was rather blessed to live with my great grandmother who shared lot of her experiences for she lived during the time of the “Pre Republic India”. She usually comments about the current cost of living which has rapidly increased. She used to tell me that there were days when she got vegetables for 1 rupee and 50 paise. I got really fascinated by listening to these prices. And all the more the price of gold during those days was only 10 rupees. And I got the shock of my life.

This was how I slowly came to get an idea of the economic development and crisis that we are facing today. She almost lived around the age when it was only one decade left for us to celebrate her victory of completing a century. 

Alas, I missed her a lot for whenever I used to visit the place where she lived her voice kept echoing within me as though she was still calling me by my name. But this was not the end of my life, I reminded my self for life is all about this. Whoever comes and goes we don’t have any control over them. Nor do we have the control to decide when to be born and when to die. So ultimately it is the Hope that sets them to move forward to the future.

After my great grandmother died it was my grand mother who passed away and then this was the second time I face the loss of my another family member who was even more dearer to me. This loss that occurred one after the other was too much for a teen girl to take it. She passed away due to a deadly disease out of which she suffered a lot. But till her last breath she was so determined that she didn’t allow anyone to do her work.

This determination along with her religious belief made her strong that she faced death like a hero. It took me quite a little time to come out of her loss for she was the closest to me. Worry, tears, depression.. it was horrible. Still God gave me the strength to stand back and continue with my life. Her death taught me even more that I learnt who I really was. Because I followed her instructions blindly without asking any questions. When it comes to discipline and education she is the toughest and the most strict person that even frightens me at times.

As time went on her teaching and instruction were adopted by me even without my knowledge. But it was only after her demise I found out what she moulded me into. I became matured. I learnt to face the worst situations with a smile on my face. She taught me that tears is not a solution to any problem. I started to be bold and also grew more spiritual.

From then on, I firmly started to believe that everything in life happens for a reason. By this time, I went down in my studies because I was mentally and emotionally unstable and so I couldn’t concentrate.

For the first time in my life, I ‘failed’. I couldn’t take it because I have never tasted failures in my studies. I was humiliated in front of the class and this was completely a new experience for me. I cried in front of the class and some of my friends came to me and said that it was okay to fail at times. Because without failures a student’s life cannot be completed.

They gave their best suggestions and advices that consoled me to some extent. Moreover, once I returned back home I was just gazing at things for my mind was preoccupied with this incident. In addition, my mother came to me and enquired what has happened. I narrated her the entire incident with a fear.

To my surprise she didn’t scold me nor did she beat me. But she said it was okay because she understood my situation. And that day I learnt a big lesson from her, she said, “once in our life we should learn to take failures and be ready to taste it and then we should strive hard not to taste it anymore.

Even if situations push us to fail, we must be ready to learn from our mistakes rather than getting dejected”. I felt loads better. And by this time I was already in my eleventh grade. I took biology-maths group out of compulsion for I wished to become a English professor.

Those two years I studied maths which I hated because I got colonized by it. Somehow I managed to pass me twelfth grade with a decent mark to get admission in a college.

And then the next part of my life started where I was completely firm that I would do my BA English but again a lot of suggestions and advices came towards me as if they were armed. But this time I was very confident and firm with my decision that I decide to study nothing but English. And the next problem that I faced was the college. I wanted to join MCC for my undergraduation, but since my marks didn’t favour me I had to choose some other college and once again suggestions were given without my asking.

My parents were very clear to admit me in a women’s college and I got my first call from Meenakshi College for Women which is situated in Kodambakkam. I faced two main problems: one, I need to travel a long distance because I haven’t travelled so long in my entire life for my education, second, I studied in a co-education school from my nursery till twelfth standard and so I was confused how far I will be able to adapt to such an atmosphere. 

After my twelfth grade, I came across many new changes that happened one after the other. However, I was destined to study there in a women’s college. I joined there with a double mind but before that that applied for my NEET and also in MCC.

Studying in MCC was my dream. So I made up my mind that somehow I will leave that college and so I consoled myself that only for three months I will have to manage in that college.

After three months the NEET results came and I didn’t clear my medical entrance. Though joining medicine was not my interest, I didn’t care about it much and so I waited for my admission in MCC. But due to my low marks in twelfth I didn’t get an admission over there. I was once again completely shattered because it was already four months in Meenakshi College where I didn’t get any friends and also travelling daily till Kodambakkam was like a Hercules task for me. And I couldn’t take up the truth that I have to complete my UG in this college.

Since I already made up my mind thinking that somehow I would leave this college, it took really a whole semester to convince myself and get adapted there. Daily I used to cry for travelling and going to college. I got a lot of scolding from my parents and somehow I managed to find friends and that convinced me to a little extent.

After my first semester, I started to enjoy the new phase of college, which I failed to find out for one full semester. I enjoyed a lot and also studied well. One day my HOD came to our class and asked us to nominate a class representative but no one volunteered, so she selected me as a class representative seeing my performance in academics.

I was happy and then through this I gained the friendship of teachers. They were all so cooperative and helped me whenever I felt down and likewise my two years in UG came to an end with responsibilities, studies and at the same time making best memories with my friends. 

And when I stepped into my third year I was given an additional responsibility in the college union. I was nominated as the debating secretary of the college. And this year was truly a much harder one than I had thought. I had to work for longer hours in my college and at the same time I had to also prepare for my examinations.

Towards the end of the semester I cleared all my examinations with very good marks and also did my duty without any incompleteness. However, in my final year I was facing a crisis with my own classmates who indulged in using mobile phones during class hours.

In our College, mobile phones were strictly banned and even after many warnings they brought their mobiles and got caught by the president of the college who took this issue to the principal. Since the fault was on my classmates, as a union representative of their department I couldn’t help them. The students of my class grew angry on me thinking that wantedly I didn’t help them and this grew into a big fight which at last went to our department teachers.

Once they heard the news they came to our class and severely scolded the students and spoke in favour of us because there was also another union from my own class.

Everyday we, that is Kavya and I, worked in the department till 6pm and then used to leave. We did the job of our entire class and teachers too sat along with us and helped us to complete the work quickly. And before leaving they would buy us something from the canteen and they made sure that we took our food properly.

At times we skipped our meals in the name of working for the department. The experience which I had gained here, made me even more matured that, once I was about to leave the college I gained the confidence that I will be able to manage any difficult situation in this world. Also, I was confident that the amount of patience and leadership skills that I learnt in my final year would  help me survive wherever I go.

Added, I hosted a programme in my college that gave me the confidence and courage to speak in front of three thousand students during my union valediction program and also helped me to overcome my fear of speech among the huge number of people.

But one thing that made me run through these many hurdles was, whenever I was facing trouble or problem the only thing I first do is pray to GOD to help me come out of it and immediately the next moment I will receive an answer through someone or else the problem would get solved in a day or two.

With all things happening around me without my will I made sure that one thing should happen with my will and that is nothing but my prayers. I made sure that I trust GOD completely and offer everything to HIS will and not to worry. Even then I am nothing more than human where I tend to forget this trust and start raising questions as “why is it always me?” and at those times I receive an answer that would make me feel guilty that I lost my Hope upon GOD. But then once again I will repent for my mistake of questioning God’s plan and trust Him and wait for HIM to answer my prayers.

After my UG results came, I prayed GOD that somehow I should get an admission in MCC because it was my dream. But many said I won’t get admission for it is little difficult to get admission with 68%. Still I didn’t lose hope and I prayed and one fine day GOD answered my prayers. I received a message from MCC that I was selected for the admission and was asked to bring the required documents to finish the admission process.

I was spellbound and happily went and got my admission in MCC and here I stand now writing my personal essay which  reminds me of this quote, “even if the entire world is against you , when GOD is with you nobody can defeat you”.

So it is the pure faith and love that we show towards GOD will provide us whatever we need in our life, without even asking HIM what we actually need. As Shakespeare said, “all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women are merely players. They have their exits and entrances and one man in his time plays many parts”. GOD is the director of this play who knows what to be done with play and actors should act according to His will or else we will have to exit the stage.

So we must always justify our given roles through our aestheticness and leave the result in His hands which will automatically help us experience bliss and divinity.  Thus optimism is another phase of Faith that we show towards our life in order to find joy and peace from ‘within’.